Chinese Parenting

Today, let's talk about the culture of Chinese parenting, because I was born and raised in an ethnically Chinese household. I've come to understand many of the causes and effects this has produced. Let's discuss and explore this, using my own life as a reference point.

When you think about Chinese parenting, the common image that pops up in your head is likely that of a Tiger mum or dad, with strong expectations, strict parenting, and no freedom.

I have had a completely different experience than this, and I can say with conviction based on my observations that the aforementioned type of parenting is completely useless. Not even in terms of an ethical standpoint, but on a practical one. Put shackles around your child, and you will forever imprison his ultimate potential. He might get good grades, or do the things you want him to, but you have unknowingly sacrificed his future to patch the abyss that is your self-worth.

I am not saying that you should abandon your children. The topic is not so black and white. You should really seek to understand the cause and effect of your actions. Only you can make the decision of how to parent your child, nobody else is going to do it for you.

I have had the fortunate experience of having a warm childhood where I was free and encouraged to explore my interests. This led to me discovering chess, and from that point onwards the butterfly effect has taken my life in a trajectory which astounds my family, peers, and myself.

The greatest things you achieve can never be predicted. They effortlessly, gracefully materialize when enough sincerity and energy is invested inside yourself. And I think children do this naturally.

A trap I have realized many Chinese parents fall into is that they become too attached to their children. They obsess over their grades, as if they were their own. Over their achievements and accomplishments, as if it belongs to them. What they fail to realize is that with the "good" feeling they get from the child achieving these things, the cost they incur is a tenfold-strong "bad" feeling when the child fails to meet their expectations. This is not freedom, it is quite a miserable way to spend a valuable life.

Dear parents, it's time to let go and be a guide instead of a slaver, else you enslave yourself and your child. How do you know what's best for them if you don't even know what's best for yourself? When you've never walked the path of freedom, or success, or happiness? Shouldn't you be spending your time figuring out these answers for yourself instead of chaining another with your failures? If you are genuinely happy, wealthy, successful, your child will naturally learn the way by his own accord without a single word of instruction.

For environment is one of the strongest forces that shapes our destiny.

Best Wishes,

Henry