A Fragile Ego

I think the most dangerous thing ego can do is build up a fragile self-image.

An image that can be easily shattered when something goes awry - and it inevitably will.

Last summer, I had a humbling experience that I am very grateful for. It was an internship at IMC Trading, an options trading firm. I worked as a software engineering intern in the Amsterdam office. The interview process was long and challenging, and I was elated when the offer email arrived in my inbox. I didn't really know what I was getting myself into, but I knew it wasn't going to be easy.

In the first week, I took trading and market making classes with my peers, playing interactive games and taking quizzes. It was extremely fast-paced, and frankly, I felt like I was falling behind. Everyone seemed to be picking up the new knowledge almost instantly, and at times, I had no clue what was going on.

Up to this point in my life, I've always felt like I was able to keep up.

This was the first time when I felt truly out of my depth, far beyond my comfort zone. I was in the midst of some incredible minds, whom I could not hope to compete with.

But why compete? Each individual has their own unique skillsets, their personal superpowers. Perhaps I'm not as good of a programmer, but I can clearly and concisely communicate my thought process in solving a problem. Perhaps I'm not as strong of a chess player, but I've taught hundreds of people over years. Perhaps I'm not as good of a musician, but I've composed my own instrumental tracks for games.

One of my favorite lines from Naval Ravikant is "Escape Competition Through Authenticity". And I couldn't agree more. If you just look at one vertical, one specific skill, there will always be those that are superior. But look horizontally, across all of your skills, and there is only one of you. How best to use my unique edge to succeed in life is something I'm still in the process of figuring out, but so far I can say that it feels like the right thing to search for.

I feel like a turning point in my life is realizing that there is so much that I have yet to learn. I now naturally avoid feeling too good when I get a compliment from someone. Because I understand that if I do, I'm really looking at myself from a fake perspective, a projection of another who does not see the true me. That projection will create turmoil when it is proven false by reality.

So future me, don't grow complacent. There will always be more knowledge to understand, more experiences to reflect on, more mistakes to make. Keep building, keep learning, keep teaching.

Best Wishes,

Henry